I may not be perfect but parts of me pretty awesome

Rachel's first birthday

2011-04-27T20:30:00.001-07:00

Rachel's first birthday is on 18th April 2011. It is the joy of my heart to see my daugther grown up. At this time she do not know the meaning of it but surely later she do.

Her first birthday, we celebrated in simple way since mommy and daddy just hired after two months unemployed. Since we back from Selangor alot of difficulties we were faces. We have to stayed at in-law house while waiting for our own house to be complete.

Anyway, Rachel...blessed birthday and May God bless you always..Mommy and daddy love you so much

Preparation before off to Sarawak~workplace~

2010-12-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

When talk about work, its never finish because everyday have new task for me. I need to complete all work before going back to Sarawak. I just thinking where to start first. My heart and mind all the way in Sarawak. I really miss my sweet hometown. Anyway, I'm counting the days....

Anyway, cheers up! Work have to be done on time since audit and tax is just around the corner. I need to done some adjustment here and there for wrong entries transactions from the previous. This is what I really doesn't like....Cheers Phoebe!! You can do it.

Gigi Pertama Si Kecik

2010-11-29T01:55:00.000-08:00

Masih mekar di ingatan tarikh 22hb November 2010, sebalik sahaja pulang dari tempat kerja saya dan suami bergegas ke rumah baby sitter untuk menjemput puteri kami. Saya di maklumkan oleh baby sitter saya bahawa Rachel dah tumbuh gigi...wah! Alangkah seronoknye hati ini sebagai seorang ibu.

Perbualan Kami:

Baby sitter: dah tumbuh lah gigi lah ia.

Mommy: pia...?? (macam tak percaya)

Baby sitter: au ahh. aku nyapi ia makai bisi sangkut-sangkut. Dah nya gama ku gusi ia sepi te tajam. Jampat mat ia dah tumbuh gigi ney.

Mommy: hahahaha..(tak terkata)

Saya dan suami sangat-sangat bersyukur. Selalunya anak-anak akan demam kalau tumbuh gigi tapi keadaan ini berlainan dengan puteri kami. Setakat ini tak ada apa-apa yang berlalu dan kami terus berdoa agar puteri kami akan sentiasa sihat dan dilindungi oleh DIA.

Semalam 28hb Nov 2010, seperti ada satu tanda di mana gigi Rachel yang kedua akan tumbuh. Alangkah bahagia kami sebagai ibubapanya melihat perkembangan puteri kami. Kami sentiasa berdoa agar dia menjadi anak yang taat kepada kedua orang tuanya dan mengasihi Sang Pencipta nya.

Rachel oH RacHel~

2010-11-29T01:26:00.000-08:00

Rachel...

What mommy should do for you honey? Why you have no appetite to drink milk and even eating too. Very hard to answer this question.

Since born Rachel have no problem to drink milk. She is not breast feed instead she drink dutch lady formula. She always asking for 3oz of milk for every two hours. However when she was 3 months old she started insist to drink milk. First of all, my hubby and I change her milk started with Dumex, Isomil, Lactogen and finally Annum. However, its make no different to her. She still do not want to drink. Until one day, I was chatted with my friends in facebook about my problem. They were suggessted to me to change her nipple. And finally, Thanks God Its work. I bought nuk brand for her.

And now, Rachel was 7 months old and again the same thing happened. I really have no ideas what to do. Even so, she is very active girl and adorable. This problem happened will never let me down because I know God's strenght with me always. I do believe that I will find the way...:-)

The first step of Moving Forward..

2010-11-25T17:40:00.000-08:00

Being a new parent..there is alot of thing we need to learn and to know so that we are in the right track of true parenting. Parenting is not an easy task to do. My first step, I gone thru every website and get some ideas from it. Some of friends offer thier advises. Thanks to all of them.

Actually, Its really hard to understand our baby. When my little princess cried, my husband and I do not know what happened to her. Most of the time I cried too. But I really thanks God because my baby very easy to take care off. She only cried for milk and stomache.

There were few times she wake up around 1.00a.m. She cried. We did not know why she cried. I really thanks my husband during this time of difficulty.

The moment of Glory..

2010-11-25T02:00:00.000-08:00

I gave birth to a sweet little princess Rachel Esther on 18th April 2010 at Hospital Sungai Buloh around 5.40p.m which was falled on Sunday. The contraction was started around 7.30a.m. I was felt like period pain. After few minutes came out brown light color. But the contraction not too strong. I insisted when my husband wanted to brought me to the hospital. I told myself I still can handle the pain. Actually I don't want to make my husband nervous. I can see my husband was pale.

I still go the church as usual but the contraction more frequent i.e every five minutes. I have no choice and most of my friends advise me to go to the hospital immediately. It is around 11.15am. At the hospital we need to register and the doctor checked its already 3cm. wow..now the contraction was very painful. I have been tried every position on the bed but still cannot help me..The baby really want to come out.

Around 5.30pm now the nurses brought me to the labor room. I gave birth around 5.40pm...aarrgghh..I really can breath now. When I heard my little one cried all the pain was gone and there was tear on my eyes...I'm a mother now..

My husband and my sister in law waiting for me just outside the labor room. Only 6.30pm the nurse at the counter infomed my husband that I safely delivered to a sweet little girl.

Day to Day

2009-10-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today is called sleepy day. Alot of work have to done actually but server still down and I really feel tired after so many days struggle to finish all the stuffs. Its the final day to complete my account and yeah I'm almost there..

I feel a bit nausea and may be because of my pregnancy..Its three months now and feel so exicted to be a young mom and April 2010 is my due date...arrgghh..time goes by so fast. Waiting for christmas for another two months for me and my hubby to buy some stuffs for new born lovely baby. Now just calculating our budget for this and that..

How To Live without YOU??

2008-10-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

When I close my eyes, I just wanna to see You come into my dream..
However, most of the time I forgot to talk to You before I go to sleep..
No sweet dream except nightmare..I'm very scare but You always there for me...
Then I wake up in the middle of the night and talk to You..only then I can sleep well...

When the sun rise...I know You always there waiting for me to call on Your Name..
You want to hear my sweet voice to Praise You...
Sometime I only sing a song for You but still You said its nice...I really know that You love me more than I love You..Even though sometime I forgot about You but You always hold my hand and bring me closer to You...I really know that Your love is strong and constant..

When in danger..You always there to protect me..
When I'm sad and down You are my friend to whom I talk to..
When I need help You there to guide me..
How to live this life without You....???

My heart only can say "I really need You and cannot live without You"....and the most important thing that I want You to know is " I love You so much"

I'm back here for blogging..huhuhu

2008-09-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Fuh!! after being so busy lately I have no time to update my blog. Alot of thing wanted to tell but I do not know where to start. Oh yeah, now I have my lenses back...hehe..I bought two fair and I got free one. So, thats mean I have three fairs in hands. I choose variaty of my favorite colour..I can see things clearly now but not feel comfortable yet since long time I'm stop using lenses..

At work today as usuall really busy but I dont want to think about my work first instead I'm here to update my blog. The lady already resigned from the company last Friday. Now I have only one senior. Today he on leave again...I dont know why this guy always on leave...Our big boss came in early today I think because of fasting month...aiya..I need to ask him for our new office location so that we can make early preparation...I really hope that our shifting time not too early as they said before right after Raya celebration. But the management not come out with the exact date yet...but for now what we want is the exact location...Not easy to shift actually...
Okay, I better back to work now....

Yesterday was messy day

2008-09-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Malaysian public holiday. I though I want to have fun but few things make so irritated with myself. I have appointment with my collegue at Midvalley on the afternoon. Around 10.30 a.m. I want to leave my house because my house very far away from LRT station, I may take time to reach Midvalley. Unfortunately, I locked my room but I forgot to take my room key. When I reached the front gate I'm looking for the key and..then I knew I forgot the key.

I struggled to open the door used all the method that I ever did before during my university day but doesn't work because the door very tight..I almost want to cry loudly..I'm stacked there in the living room. All my housemate not around either. Lucky I have my phone with me and I called my collegue that I want to cancel the appointment. She want to help but no idea how..I can't go in to my room nor outside the house.

Finally, I saw a wood there at the kitchen and I start the bang the locked. I just thinking if I bang the door its cost me more than a lock. I have no choice and just destroyed the lock. I bought a new one to replace it and luckly my housemate help to fix it in for me..huh..

I managed to go out with my collegue but not to Midvalley anymore instead we went to Times Square.

Its raining

2008-08-27T02:18:00.000-07:00

Now is heavy rain outside..how to go back home...Even though I have umbrella but its not enough to cover my body..its really really heavy and now almost time to go back..I still want to go back even though its will not stop at 6.00o'clock because I want to watch my favorite drama..hehee...I will get wet soon..hahha..I used to play around under the rain when I was child...I like it so much specially playing football under the rain...but always get scolded..hehe..

Its will be flood every where down KL..and going to have very heavy traffic..I'm so lucky since my house very near. Next time at the new place may be I need to travel and hopefull and I really pray "no need to travel alot"...just like now...

Organic food for lunch

2008-08-27T00:08:00.000-07:00

Lunch time

My collagues and I went to Organic food restaurant. They enjoyed it but I dont like it..hehhee..I ate ocean fried rice and then serve with soup, green bean soup and one dessert that I do know the name..hehehe..I really dont like but for those who like healthy food this is the best choice for you.

They willing to drove out to go for the food...I dont know why I dont like this kind of food and I prefer our yesterday lunch..Yesterday we went to chinese restaurant. To be with them is like a duck surround with chickens..hehe..I dont understand chinese language..hehehe...the only thing that make everybody confuse is my face look like chinese...But all of us enjoy our lunch...

Funny Aunty

2008-08-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I was looking for food for my dinner. I went to the restaurant next to my office because my house just opposite . I really have no idea what to eat. Its normal for a person like me..I'm very choisy person sometime.

I went to one of chinese aunty stall in the restaurant. I asked for the price of the noodle as usual I always do to make sure I'm not spent more then my budget. I spoke english with but she not understand. I use to speak english all the time that why I did not realise that she dont know english. The funny thing is that she not even telling me that she dont understand what I'm talking about instead she just repeat back what i'm said..hahaha...some conversation between us; I asked "how much is dry curry noodle" she replied "how much la"...she make me more and more confuse..then finally she asked me to speak in malay language..hahaha...so silly..

The noodle is nice and she charge me for RM4.50 only..bit expensive and not really worth it since she only gave me bit of chicken and alot of potato..she very smart. She cheated on me!

Server Down Again Arrrggghhh

2008-08-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

Since this morning until now our UBS server down. I can't do my work. I really need the server up now..I have alot of work to do and need to key in to UBS. We want to do month end closing but some of my work not key in to UBS yet..aarrrggghhh...I have no idea when the system up again. This is not good..since last week I dont have time to key to UBS since I'm doing Bank Reconciliation..Its more and more to key in..

Arrgghhhh.....please let us have the system back as soon as possible..No wonder everybody always complained about UBS system...Really problematic..so, here i am blogging while waiting for the technician do his job. My job left now is only key in to the system and abit of sales report..

Hopefully the system back soon..

I dont know why..

2008-08-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I dont know what to write here but I really want to say something...What I want to say is I dont know what to write here..hehehe...oh yeah, today we have new collague..He is Malay and middle age person. He not going to replace her but he have other work to do..thats mean, her position still vacant. Everyday is stress day working with her..I think God want me to learn new thing in my life which is "patient" and control my emotion..That why I always tried very hard to be calm and work professionally with her. She is not easy person but I take it as a challenge.

After next month most of chinese collagues going to resign..meaning I'm going to work around all muslim which I never imagine and want before. I dont know why I come to this situation in my life. I think its time to hang on there and just do the best otherwise I'm going to gone through the same situation again and again..I need to pass this test and be strong in faith. Everything gonna be alright.

I dont want to turn back either as I know now which direction I want most in life. Everything need faith.

Headache day

2008-08-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

Suddenly I feel really headache today..I dont know why..Here I am blogging to take five minutes rest after took panadol..Could be because of the weather changed that makes me feel headache as my antibody not really strong to fight with changes in environment around me..I need to buy vitamin C to fight..
I still have a lot of outstanding work not settle yet since I'm doing bank reconciliation since yesterday..this part is my weaknesses since university..and I guess that one of the cause of headache.
Anyway, I feel better now after took panadol...thanks for panadol for saving my life..

Time goes by so fast

2008-08-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

When I open my eyes its already third of week of the month. Meaning I'm already worked for almost three weeks at my new company. Its only three weeks of working experience as an account executive. Within this three weeks I already learned alot of things in my work. Its really fun even though sometime pretty busy.

During lunch time today, my senior told me that she going to resign until the first week of September. I just pretended do not know about it but actually I knew earlier. Inside my heart I'm happy mixed with worried. I'm happy because she no longer there since she very hard to work with. I'm worried because alot of thing I need to learn very fast within short period of time. I can't imagine how i'm going to settle does work that she left behind..I need more effort to learn alot of things from her. I think I need to settle those in my weaknesses side first no matter what...I can do it because God give me strenght..

I think we going to have someone in replace of her later..but dont know what kind of person its going to be..hehe...hopefully someone much better and easier to work with and pretty helpfull..
Me..I keep blogging no matter what..this become my diary now..
Only thing I hope when she no more, is having a nice boss and pretty helpfull..thats all..really pray for it..

For Marc...

2008-08-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Marc..
I'm doing fine nowadays instead of being very busy..so how about you? Any new news there? Oh yeah, about the olimpic game, Malaysia only have one medal silver for Badminton..he is the only hero for Malaysia..hehe..I guess USA now in second place..

wow..I'm proud of you..you willing to learn our language from the internet..yeah, nothing is impossible nowadays..and internet is the easier way of finding informations. I hope you can learn more so that one day we can talk in my language..hehe..

I wish you all the best in your career and your life..
Keep and touch always and may God bless you

Friend for ever..

To my friend Marc

2008-08-18T02:50:00.000-07:00

Hi Marc,

I just get shocked when read your comment here..how do know my language? where do you learn it? Its sound perfect...its also make me thinking who are you actually...I really feel anxious now..hehehe...or may be you have other friend teach you? Just let me know ok when as soon as you read this special post for you..hehee..
have a nice day..and may God bless you always

something happened yesterday

2008-08-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was really long day for me. I really tired and no fun at all..I woke up early in the morning around 5.00 o'clock..very hard to wake up until I feel headache the whole day. I left my home around 5.45 a.m. I feel very scared but luckly there was a bus passed by. I just take the bus to the LRT station nearby. To arrived at Putrajaya I need to take few transports. I was late for my interview but its still ok since few people came late as well. I feel bad but thats not what I want. I do not know any alternative to reach that place more faster.

Inside the interview hall, not really many of us but still we have to wait such a long time for our turn. One by one called in..I was informed by a malay lady sit next to me that our interviewer only interested in those having their SPM/STPM/certificate but not Diploma or Degree holders. We get shocked and very dissappointed. The weird thing is that they still call us for the interview even though we are over qualify for the position. For me, I'm a bit dissappointed because I need to take unpaid leave and wasting my money, time and energy to come over. Only reason they gave us was something wrong on their system. I think its just a reason to avoid any circumstances come after them. I feel sad and pity with those who really need the job..For me still ok since I have permenant job now even though i'm working with private company. Some of the interviewee being reject on the spot after they saw their result but they did interviewed me and me too asked them questions. If I got that job I dont think its fair for those who dont have the opportunity being interview by them..only thing I hope is that those who really need the job will get it...

Inside the hall we can watching tv so I took the opportunity to Olimpic games..I'm so happy that my favorite badminton player was won..we hope he will give Malaysia first golden medal..

I took a bus again back to KL. Suddenly in the journey back we heard "bombbbb"..we just wondering what sound is that inside the bus..I'm really nervous and scared. Its was a bus' tyre broke up..Everybody inside the bus look very nervous..I was thought to take other transport but at the area its not easy..we still take the same bus until we reached KL..

I went to the bank to open my account..its take another few hours..When I was back to caught LRT, suddenly its raining..then I need to get an umbrella from 7 Eleven nearby..

I reached home almost 6.00 o'clock. Its such a long journey and really tired. The whole day I didn't eat anything..Before I cook, I ate my "Penang laksa" that I bought from stall in font of LRT station..so I had two dinner last night and make me sleep very well even though its really hot weather outside..

Coffee

2008-08-12T23:02:00.001-07:00

Everybody likes coffee so am I once upon a time..but now I really cannot take it since I have health problem..even to smell only I can't...but here I can't stop them from drink it...I did tried to drink but really cannot..actually coffee is good specially when we feel sleepy like me right now..hehehe..

One time I feel really headache when my colleagues drink it..my senior said to me I have to learn to take it..but I said back to her its about health problem..not I am..
I remembered university day I use to drink coffee alot to make myself awake in order to stand night long to study..now i learn something...dont take too much in order to keep in future..its not only affect my migrain but also to my eyes..that is my first time waring glasses..

I managed to stop waring glasses but not coffee.. I will try in future

One day in store room

2008-08-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Today my colleague and I have to do labelling of all files belong to finance Department in the store room for the preparation of shifting some where in October. Its really hot and alot of files have to be record. I really dont like to do that but look likes it I have no choice.

When I back to my table I saw alot of outstanding matters to be done..aaarrgghh...I dont know when I can be free..I only waiting for lunch time for blogging and release what I have in my mind. After this we have to go back to the store room again..my eyes now really feel sleepy and I wish I can sleep inside the store room..hahah..impossible!

Sometime I like to be busy but I dont like being push by my senior..For example this morning she asked me to print some report for our head department. Then as soon as I come back to my original work she push me to work more faster..I'm helping my colleague to do daily sales as well and of course this work is never stop and never finish..but still she complain I'm slow..I really dont know what to do..I just admit that I'm slow..its ok..sometime she understand that i'm really busy and she still pushing me..most of the time I dont care about her..

Of course my own work is slow since I have to do other matters in urgent basis first..
okokokok..I should stop complaining now...its not good actually..
Sorry God for complaining too much..but I know You are my good listener..

Hard work today

2008-08-12T01:48:00.000-07:00

I really tired..I can't see thing clearly..aaarrrggghhh..i'm so scared if I need my glasses back..No...i dont want it..today I feel like my senior bully me..after done everything then she informed that me that I need to do more..how come she keep changing..I need to submit those accounts by today..I really angry with her but to be professional my anger was gone.I still need her..Instead of asking her, I asked help from our head of department. I really feel dissappointed with her..then I say it out to her that I dont like what she did to me. Now, I dont like to keep something in my heart. i dont care wether she angry or not but what I want is something fair for me. I know she was very busy, but we have to work together...she passed all the urgent thing to me and Now i'm overload with work..still she checking on my work and telling that I have to finish everything...oh God..how to finish it..I wish I could have more hands..I just suggest to her to pass some of my work to other (for help) but she not allow me to do so..

As a new staff here, I still do not know alot of thing...sometime she can be a person to ask sometime she can make me headache..she not really want to teach but I ask her alot..I want to get more information so that in future no need to ask from her..

I can do it in God who give me strenght..Amen

First Briefing

2008-08-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

I was informed by my colleague that we have briefing on 10.00am, Monday. what??? I never attend this kind of briefing before because my old company never have it..For them too its new after changes in management team. Now we are handling by new management team and they have their own ways.

Few things have been discuss during that time..they plan to have a lot of improvement in our company. One of them is we might have uniform and change our company name. The next changes is our company going to shift to Shah Alam..I really dont shifting..Its really tiring and for me i'm not only shift office but i have to shift house again...aaarrrrgggghhh.....its really tired..I really hate..for this year only I'm going to shift twice..Its kinda wasting my money and effort..
arrrggghh..what to do..we have to follow..

First Day at St John

2008-08-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I went to St John Cathderal for Mass celebration. I feel not really comfortable may be because i'm new there..I saw alot of foreigner specially from Phillipine and from other countries. The mass was good except not really can hear the priest preaching..Inside the church, I was sitted next to white man and few africans..

When I was back from the church, I saw alot of people in town..I feel very scared and I just wondering what is going on there..At the same time I'm not really well. I just thinking want to go to my old house to check on my stuff but I forgot to bring my key. Finally, I stopped at the Farmasi to get some medicine but I can't get it. My stomach really painfull and I just caught LRT from Masjik Jamek.

I'm not direct home instead I stopped at Siber Cafe nearby to complete my resume for next interview with the Government. Then, I stopped at shop to get some stuff...its really tiring day for me..

At home I just sms with my friends and watching tv..really bored and my room really hot..I really missed my old room at PJ..anyway, I'm happy with what I have now because I know God always with me..Amen!

Life in Cheras

2008-08-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

Now I'm living in Cheras. Its very near to my office. I tell u what I just cross the road to go to work..I like it, its more cheaper way of living as now eveything increase. At home, our landlady not provide for us kitchen facilities not like previous time..so all the time I just cooked using my rice cooker. I cook not only rice but some other stuff using my rice cooker..I hate to do that but I have no choice since now I want to cut off some expenses. Every lunch during week days I have to eat outside..but its still ok since the price here much cheaper than my old place..and they have variaty of foods here..

Other than that, people here a bit weird..they not really helpfull and most likely they more selfish..As a new resident here, i'm not really familiar with alot of places. I did ask around but they not really helpfull..I feel this place is very strange to me..

On the fist day, I worked here I already get scolded by one of indian lady walked behind me to get some food. She shouting at me because I blocked her way. Actually I did not realize that she walked behind me so just stopped to answering phone from my ex-boss...its not a problem for me if she just say "excuse me" instead she shouting at me.. I feel embrassing but I still react calm...my conclusion people here very rude....
this thing make me feel missing my hometown alot..

First day as an Account Executive

2008-08-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

Its feel good even though i'm really tired..I didnt realize the time very fast..On Friday is the special day for us as we can go back early. I learned few things and captured back what I have studied before. I'm happy even though I reallly missed my old company.

Here is much different from before. You know what now i'm using window 98 for my PC..its very slow and there was a problem on my accounting software. I can't go online with my friends as before. I really all of them..but now i can't go online at work. Most of the time i'm really busy and the management people always around. Its good actually because its time to be more discipline so that I can be a better person and successful.

They introduced me with all level of department. So many of them and I really can't remember all of them even the management people whose interviewed me before also I cant really recognised them. But its really good feeling to be part of the team.

I can't brower to friendster.com...aarrghhhh..really missed all my friends..I chatting with Mark...I really miss our chat guy..If u read this post...U always be my friend..

My Last day

2008-07-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

yoyoyo...today is my last day working as an assistant company secretary. I feel so happy and only God know how I feel..This is call happiness. No..no..I will never looking back because behind alot of sad memories..Now its time to be free from anything. Sometime I'm laughing but its lie..I look happy but deep in my heart I hurt..This is life that I ever gone through..I want to go far away to find my own happiness..the truth happiness..most of the time people get me wrong..wrong over judgement, wrong about my desire, wrong about everything..Now I want to start new life even though its hard but I need to be strong..

All this while I always keep quite even though people blamed me..God see the truth so no need for me to explain anything..I just take the blame and kept it by myself..this is the thing always hurt me..sometime I dont the opportunity to depend myself because the judgement always come first..Most of the time I feel down but I managed to paint a smile on my lips..Only God know this heart..

I really want to go now..I have no right to complain or to depend..I just move on and learn from what had happened.

God, I lift everything to you now and forever......

Card from my beloved teacher

2008-07-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

Now is year 2008. I received this card from my beloved teacher when I was in Form 3 which is in year 1999. My teacher gave me just before I sit for PMR. I still remember she gave me one set of stationary together. I felt so touch by her and I realize that she really care about me. She always gave me moral support specially in my study. She is our science teacher. I love science..I like the way she teach us and I like everything about her. She treated me more than a student..we are like a friend or mom and daugther..She really understand me. I never told her about my personal background but she found by herself..

I trust her alot..She is very different..I love her more than my parents as she love me more than my parents do. She always there when I need her..This is the real friendship that I ever have..I really missed all the time we together..We have alot of sweet memories together..Now she is a mother of three kids. I know she is very good mom..and I ever wish that if I born again I want to be her daughter...

Teacher, you are really wonderful..Only God can repay you back what you did to me..I waiting for the time we can meet again..

I really miss you teacher...

When God....

2008-07-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

When God wants to drill a man
And thrills a man
And skills a man,
When God wants to mold a man
To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed-
Watch His methods, watch His ways!
How He ruthlessly perfects
Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which
Only God understands,
While his tortured heart is crying
And he lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
When his good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses
And with every purpose fuses him,
By every act induces him
To try His splendor out-
God knows what He's about!

J. Oswald Sanders

Curriculum with God

2008-07-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

This is my beautiful certificate of completion of my curriculum with God. I wish this is a certificate to enter the kingdom of God in heaven. well, its not enough. I only finished book one and not continue to next book.

There were few things that I learned from this programme such as how to be a leader..not only a leader but a good leader. We need to have purpose in life for us to reach up. Most of the church members wrote the best one which they think good and excellent. However for me is different. My desire is only one which is happiness. At that time we asked to discussed in group of two. I was with one lady. She kinda very confident but inside my heart I just wondering is it what she really mean..or she just followed others since that time really hot on nation transformation issue. Well, I did not tell her what is my purpose..To reach up for people is not easy and we may not using the same method like others did because its may be not effective anymore. I believe in one thing..its about ourself..way that we bring ourself and our daily life will give greatest imfact to others around us.

well, I have received my certificate now and its make me happy..its for my memory that I ever joined that programme. Its was good to attend that kind of programme. Spend our free time for God and we will be bless.

A letter

2008-07-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

Early in the morning as usual I checked post box. I have few mails for my company and two mails for my personal attention. One of them is from MAICSA and the other one is from government. I was surprised, happy and confused..Happy because that is what I waiting for long time. But why must now...not at the right time..thats make me so confuse...I dont know what decision to make nor I understand all this thing.

Its happened completely out of my mind. why its must be now when i'm about to switch to my new job. I already signed the offered letter..ahhh..government always late and wait. Anywa, I just pray because I truly believe that God knows what I need and He have a wonderful plan for me and my future.

My Last week as an assistant co.sec

2008-07-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

aaaahhhh...I didn't realize time goes by very fast and its already two years plus I'm working as an assistant company secretary. When I look back what I have done in this journey..I gained alot of experiences and learn other part of my life. I met different types of people which sometime make me happy, sad and angry. Sometime very annoyed. Its not easy to deal with people, sometime we have to hurt ourself to care of others..sometime we think the thing is not fair for us but we act as a great pretender. But inside our heart its really hurt until one day we didn't realize we lets go all the emotions that we kept for such a long time. Now...its time to go...

My new journey will begin..I feel excited and bit nervous. I have to start from zero again. New workplace and new environment. I have to learn to adapt to new things and new people surround. In my mind keep thinking and praying that new place much better than current as everybody wish too.

No one can help me except me myself..so, I go by my own accord no matter what people said and no matter what around me. I believe in God and He truly know me well..

My 24th birthday 2008

2008-06-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

Dear God, today I have few wishes that I ask from You. I know You listen to me even though I'm not see You. I know You answer me even though I'm not hearing You.

Lord, give me a wonderful life more than before. Give me hundred of thousand reasons to smile. Give a pure heart to worship You, thirst and hunger for You. Keep this from people knowledge that how much I love You.

Lord, give me Your wisdom and strenght to do Your will. Give me Your knowledge oh God..prepare for me a wonderful place to worship You and touch other heart. Lead me to be a better person and successfull in my life. Lead me Lord through my journey. Forgive those who hurted me and bless them too.

Lord, I bring to You thing that I have been started before but yet to be finish..Help me Lord, to get the beautifull flower on the top of the mountain..hold my hand...Because I truly know the pathway that I gone through have a lot of trone, light, as well as darkness..but Lord, I will feel courage because You always with me..

Take care of my family Lord, open their heart to worship You...choose them Lord..
Bless my new life Lord..let You be a strong foundation of this new life.....

All these wishes I bring before You, Lord...In the Name of Jesus Christ Your Son..Amen.

Something interesting

2008-06-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

This is lonely planet that everybody missing...

Kerangan Panjang 2008

My Background

2008-05-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

When I was born, my grandmother and my grandfather is my guidience even though its not legally. I'm not living with my parents and my siblings. We are poor and had very hard moment in our life. However, both of them have a big heart to love me more than other things. I feel lucky to be born in this family.

When I was primary five, my grandfather passed away. This is first time to lose someone that I love. Every time I feel something missing in my life. He is such a nice person and loveable. However, God love him more than I did. No more grandfa, no fishing, no one caught fish or frog for me which I really likes.

Time passed by, who can believe that someone from a poor family able to continue her study at university??? I know my life change after God touch my heart. I never been in kindagarden before but I'm still a top student. Only one thing I truly knew..It was God. How do u feel if someone even your own relative said "dont ever dream to further your study at university because you are poor" For me, I take it as a positive challenged. I already proved it to them and they are wrong about that. God blessed my life richly and I'm happy with what I had now even i'm still struggle to be more better and successful.

Year after completion of my study at university which is 07th March 2006, I lost my beloved grandmother. Its hard to accept and this is very heavy storm in my life. Even when I'm writting this blog I still want to cry loudly. Still strong the last requested from my grandmother during gawai festival. She want to sleep with me but I said "no" to her. I feel very very regret..oh no, I can't control my tears..I missed all the opportunity to take care of her when she was sick because I'm not there at that time.

I remembered my mom called me that night around 8.00p.m. at 08th March 2006. Before my mom said anything my heart already knew that something bad happened. I cannot even eat my dinner. I'm crying out and vomit.

Anyway, I still love both of them for taking care of me and all they have done in my life..to rise me up...

You are the best!!!

Last Gawai Sweet Momories

2008-05-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

Again and again..all about gawai..but this is what happened last gawai on year 2007. This is my first gawai without my beloved grandmother. She passed away year before.

2007 gawai so much different in my life, however on top of that there were sweet memories around..

This is one of them...this is some of Iban's tradisional clothes for men taken at long house.

This is Iban's tradisional clothes for women. This clothes is heavy and not easy to ware it specially on the top at the head. I still remembered, at this time my aunt and I, struggle so much to put it on my cousin head..wow..i'm sweating all around and skip my lunch..really no time because the ceremony going to start and I haven't finish doing make up for my cousin...but its fun... This is our happy evening by the river side before I'm going back to Kuala Lumpur the next day with my siblings and my cousins. The water is very cold and clean. Here where we swimming..wow, I really miss this time..

And.....this is our last pose with my parents and my youngest sisters at song before I fly off to Kuala Lumpur. This taken at Song's jety..hehehe..thats funny..

aaahhh......i really missed my hometown and imagine i'm there right now..

Way to my village

2008-05-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is Rajang river, the longest river in Malaysia and Asia. This river is located in my hometown, the Land of Hornbill. This river nowadays, not really clean anymore because of logging activities.

Now I'm working and studying in Kuala Lumpur. Its very far away from my hometown. To reach my village its take two days to arrive. I need to take flight about one hour and forty five minutes from Kuala Lumpur to Sibu. From Sibu I need to take boat express about two hours to Song where I need to gone through this Rajang river. Its no other choice.

Once I reach Song, I need to take another boat to my village about five to six hours journey. Its too long!!. If I wish to have one day journey I can take boat directly to my village. However, its very tired and I may reach my village midnight. Oh no, I dont want that and that why I need one night stand at Song. The next day I take early boat to my village about five to six hours journey. I need to gone through Katibas river, Bangkit river and Ayat river..The journey is quite challeging for those who never been there but for me thats should be no problem. There is no road to my village except river..No government consent about that. Its not fair for us. Sarawak is one of the city who support government, but how government support them??. During election they able to go rural area to get vote but to bring development they did not see them anymore. They close one eyes. Some rumous said, "its not easy to bring development to rural area because they too far from town and no communication, no internet, no everything" see they able to give reasons, but when voting time all the faces will turn up and telling they are the best and bring development. All empty promises. Our ADUN is useless!!!

Take this for example, There was a construction project to build a road from Song to my previous secondary school, SMK Katibas. If i'm not mistaken, the project is already started since I'm in form 3 which around year 1999 but until now there is no progress on the project and now I'm already graduate from University. My last visited to my hometown is last year, I saw the project still no progress at all except jungle. I just thinking, whose project is that and who should be responsible???? And why nobody complain about that???? until now I still thinking....and i never have the answer unless I investigate it..but i'm not the investigator. so, what should I do now. I'm consent about my people to be cheated like that like nobody living there are educated..no no no..that is wrong, I love my hometown and I should do something about that but I know I cannot do this alone except support from all new generation. Our old generation may be not very sensitive about this issue and they really trusting government which never full fill the promises. We as a young generation and educated person have to do something about it.

We stand for justice. We will continue to support government unless they do something to change our standard of living and bring improvement to our people. We need development. We dont want to see all generation have to gone through dangerous river to go back to village otherwise nobody want to stay at our long house in future. So, how we going to maintain our culture???? Let everybody ask ourself.......

Bring justice to our people!!!

Happy Gawai Festival 2008

2008-05-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

This is my first year without gawai festival. It is due to unavoidable matter that have to be done early June. I really missing all the faces who really adore for wonderful festival specially my family who always waiting for me to go back. When I called my grandaunty this morning the tears in her eyes make me feel sad because long time I never celebrate this wonderful festival with my adopted family after my grandmother passed away. I can imagine how she felt but for the time being I can't do anything but only can wish them happy gawai..

I still remembered last gawai, I celebrated at my parents' place but I dont have time to visit my grandaunty.. Its sad to me but I tried to be happy because everybody happy but inside my heart I'm screaming and shouting for missing my own village..how much I wish I can divide myself into two so that everybody happy when I'm around...Joking, talking, laughing and everything.. i really miss this gawai where I wish to have alot of joke, talking and having fun with my relatives as well as meeting old friends because this is the only time to meet them. However, the situation might be different, yeah..people changed, surrounding changed, alot of thing changed even me myself changed now..but the important reason to go back is Phoebe really miss the foods, swimming in the river, and teasing kupak..kupak is my little cousin new name..hahaha..

Its more fun if I can see again everybody rush to get a ticket..hehehe..this morning my aunt still cannot get her ticket from sibu..hehe..I know alot of people booked the ticket early so it limited tickets for sell..but I hope they will get it...wow..everybody go back except me and my younger brother. Even my housemate also going back...I'll leave alone..such a long holiday for them but for me its such a long home alone. It kinda boring but I need to do my revision for my exam.

Oh yeah, 01st June is the actually gawai day and at the same time it is our Siba's birthday and my best friend Mariana's birthday. And also right after gawai is my birthday on June 13th as well as my classmate birthday fall on the same day as mine..oh yeah, i'm almost forgot. It also my cousin birthday....its wonderful..

For this great opportunity, I want to wish everybody happy gawai specially to my family and friends. Forget me not at this wonderful day. I love you all....

Happy weekend

2008-05-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

Living in the big city so much different from my village. I really missed my hometown. Last weekend I still can feel the aroma of my village which I left it quite sometime. My friends and I went to one place called "Hulu Yam". The water is very cold and I feel myself in my village not in Kuala Lumpur. I hate life in Kuala Lumpur actually. Its kinda living in place full with fears and busy and stressful.

wow..the water is very cold..even though I can't stand the cold water but I really enjoy myself so much specially I went with my friends from my hometown. We spoke same language..Its really enjoyable to us. We did cooked some food called "ayam pansuh". Its really yummy..yeah, of course not original because some ingredient not there but at least the way we cook still the same.. we spend few hours there, swimming, joking, talking, and peeping..hehe...just kidding...

When we arrived, we heard some poeple around also talking the same language as us...we so happy but unluckily we did not have opportunity to talk to them. Actually the opportunity was there but just some of us very shy...hehe..we pretended not understand them, but I think they know us well from the Land of Hornbill...

On top of enjoying, we lost our camera...so sad after pose alot of nice pictures at the water fall, but may be something to learn from there. It very weird because seem like everything packed but the camera is missing. All of us did not notice it untill we arrived at the bottom of Genting Highland where we about to take a cable car to go to the top of the mountain. When we turned back to the water fall, the camera was not there either. What i'm worried was if someone took it and see all our pictures inside and use them for porno and publish it in the website. Its sound very scary to me but I did not tell all of my friends about that. I just keep this worried inside my heart and at the same time i'm praying so that bad thing wont happen to those pictures.

The strange thing is that we still hope that camera still inside our beg somewhere..but its just left on hope....the camera is already gone!!!